I AM SO TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT ONE DIRECTION
I AM TRYING TO BE QUIET AND NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT IT BUT I JUST NEED TO SAY IT ONCE AND BE DONE
I think I might be dysthymic or have atypical depression because I’ve just felt a pervading sense of unhappiness since I was 15 that I don’t remember when I was younger
everything just sucks so much
Why can’t I do anything right
Why am I so fucking useless
what’s the fucking point
Yesterday I was all thinking “it can’t be there has to be some mistake this can’t be happening” and I guess I am today still
but mostly now I’m just angry both at myself and at all the schools because I put in a lot of fucking time and effort and a lot of stress and I tried so hard (not to quote linkin park again because that was a joke) and it got me nowhere so I’m fucking pissed and I guess what’s next after that bargaining? I don’t know I don’t have any bargaining chips
will suck dick in exchange for enrollment in a non terrible university
I’m more mad at myself than anything. How could I be so delusional, so arrogant, so ridiculous to think that I could get into good schools. Why did I even bother when I’m not worth it at all
i
just
hate everything
an incomplete list of my feelings
- ashamed to tell anyone
- annoyed at myself for thinking i could pull it off
- confused
- frustrated
- unsure about what the fuck my life means now
- stressed
- disappointed
- depressed
- angry
everything that runs the gamut from sad to angry pretty much except for like furious and mourning
but i just i don’t know how did this even happen
it’s the worst when you stop[ cdrying and you think you’re okay and then no fuck you your tear ducts just work of their own accord
